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Posts Tagged ‘Watchmen’

I Love The Internet (pt. 27)

September 27, 2010 Leave a comment

– Move over Kerri Strug; we have a new female heroine of Olympic perseverance.

– Is this a bookstore, or…heaven?

– I was all set to be good and sick of Sacha Baron Cohen, but then Graham King and Tim Headington had to go and give him the lead role in an upcoming biopic about the late great Freddie Mercury (one of the all-time great rock names, incidentally).

– Because if there’s anyone I want realizing¬†man’s first contact with a species not of Earth, it’s a man who once wrote “Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.” That wasn’t sarcasm, by the way – I’m deadly serious.

– In case anyone felt like being horribly depressed today.

– So…does this mean that “Ramon” Flowers and “Rex” Richter hooked up? Because that is decidedly less hot than two girls getting together.

– This is the angriest homosexual I have ever seen. Maybe he’d be in a better mood if he lived here; I know I would.

– I never actually saw this remake, but I’m telling you this is absolute and complete horseshit. Velma hooking up with Shaggy behind Scooby’s back, and then trying to get between the two friends? Blasphemy! The fact that it even made it to ten episodes seriously bugs me.

– Huh; I had no idea Grand Theft Auto had one of those LEGO versions made. Oh, and speaking of which, THC-infused ice cream, California? Really? I swear, the siren song of the Golden Coast gets stronger every day…

– You know how every guy has a couple of women on their “list” that they would absolutely smash, but don’t necessarily want anyone to know that about them? For me, one of those women is “model” Coco.

– This honestly makes me smile.

– “Hmmm..the room looks ‘OK’, I guess. You know what would really tie it all together? A giant sleeping bag/sofa/burrito/vagina.”

– Well, damn. I guess nobody parties like Russian kite surfers.

– Why Luigi is truly the bad-ass in the family.

– Holy shit. From the sounds of this report, Mexico is about to completely explode. Man, I don’t even have a joke for that; that is some serious shit.

-I hate, repeat hate slideshows, but for the 50 hottest Hawaiian women? I’ll gladly make an exception.

– Wait; Grant Morrison’s writing a Watchmen knockoff and a psychedelic Western indie? Um…hey, if anyone can make it work, it’s Morrison, right? Right?

– Few would have guessed he’d grow up to be Gandalf AND Magneto.

– SCIENCE BOMB! A slate of upcoming particle physics experiments, for the apocalypse-minded man who still keeps an eye on his schedule; the story of a star that said “fuck you” to the usual astronomic conventions; apparently what we consider the “laws” of physics are just regional statutes, at best; and last, it turns out we know fuck-all about gravity.

– Normally I’ve got nothing but sneers for NASCAR, but if it gets you a wife like Samantha Sarcinella, hell, I’ll gladly drive in a circle for five or six hours.

– As far as I’m concerned, OK Go are officially trying too hard:

– This is just cheesy and over-the-top enough that it’s perfect:

– New rule: from now on, all action movie previews must be done a capella:

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I Love The Internet (pt. 19)

January 30, 2010 2 comments

– It took me a full five minutes to realize this was Christopher Walken.
– Oh man, these concept art pieces from the upcoming Green Lantern movie look so good. I gotta be honest, I wasn’t sure how this movie would work, with such a huge alien cast, but if these are any indication, between GL and Deadpool Ryan Reynolds could be the next big action star, √† la Matt Damon in the Bourne Trilogy.
– How? How are people still falling for con artists who say they can use magic? I swear, every time I think humanity is making its way towards true modernism, I hear some stupid story like this. And how disappointing was it that the guy turned out to be your average extortionist/rapist?
– When I get bored, I like to torture myself by thinking of all the things I would do if I were insanely rich. One of those things would be printing out a million of these flyers and putting them up all over major cities in the U.S.
– As Youtube and the like have made online video hyper-common over the years, struggling publishers have turned to making movie-style trailers for upcoming releases, in the hopes of garnering as much attention as possible. While I’m not totally sure whether that’s a good thing, this trailer for Going West is one of the most imaginative things I’ve seen in a while.
– No matter where you’re from and how you came up, there’s a universal truth among all men: when puberty hits, you know it.
– A handy pocket-ready guide to modern love, courtesy of the creator of the Simpsons. I prefer the time-tested method of insecurely muddling through a relationship soaked in a pungent, tangy mix of anxiousness and passion, but then again I didn’t make millions from creating a clever satire of modern life.
– Former Japanese AV/gravure idol Hitomi Tanaka and her J-cup tits recently made the move from softcore, blurred Japanese porno to unblurred hardcore “we’re gonna show everything” skin flicks. Men across the world thank you, Ms. Tanaka, and they thank Boobpedia for the relevant info. Also, how hilarious is it that there’s a site called Boobpedia?
– I’m aware this mashup of all great internet trends has been making the rounds lately, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t one of the coolest things I’ve seen this year so far.
– Something to think about
– I understand that it’s The Onion, but I would have a lot more respect for ESPN if they even tangentially broached subjects like this in any fashion, let alone a humorous one. Obviously, the quote that slayed me:

O’Neal, who scored 12 points and grabbed three rebounds during the first half of the game, returned to the bench at the beginning of the third quarter, clutching at the pulled pork sandwich and informing trainers that it was incredibly tender. A member of the Cavaliers’ medical staff said that when he attempted to examine the pulled pork sandwich, O’Neal flinched away and grunted sharply.

Trust me, it only gets better from there.
– A few weeks ago, I did a post on rappers to watch over the next year. If I do a similar list for eye candy, Briana Loyd would be among one of my first picks. Yowza.
– I’m always amazed by the ability of certain musicians to take an easily exhaustible concept, or a middling amount of talent, or even both, and milk remarkably long-lived careers out of them. KISS, Tiny Tim, a shitload of bands from the 70’s and 80’s…and, of course, the Insane Clown Posse – yeah, they’re still around – who just released their third (!) film Big Money Rustlas, also known as Fat Untalented Wannabe Rappers in the Old West. There’s been a decade-long war going on in Detroit between The Underground and Juggalo Nation, and when the Fillmore Theater gets packed in the middle of winter by face-painted clown fans who waited hours in the cold, the wrong side is winning.
– And the winner of this week’s “Amazing Hot Asian Girl Who We’ll Most Likely Never See Or Hear From Again” is…Wang Yibing! Lemme ask you something; would it be too obvious to make a “Wang” joke right here? Oh well, too late.
– It seems a little ironic that you have this architecture that’s designed to play music when it rains, but it’s in the most unintelligibly named place I’ve ever heard. Seriously, ‘the Kunsthofpassage in Neustadt’? Is that even a human language?
– I’m not sure what’s more interesting about this story: that the economy has gotten so bad that even prostitutes are feeling the pinch, that a drag queen felt her (his?) oral skills were worth more than $5 a session, or that this story was written in Canada but the monetary denominations are in dollars rather than Canadian money.
– I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Miranda Kerr is painfully, mind-blowingly hot, as these pictures will attest. Enjoy…yes, I know it’s a slideshow – get over it.
– And in today’s “Yeah…that’s a little creepy” moment, we have Distinguished Author Alan Moore impersonating his own legendary creation Rorsarch, as he reads from the seminal literature work “Watchmen”:

– Can we just all agree that all religions have ridiculous aspects to them? I mean, yeah, this cartoon makes Mormonism look really bad (come on – black people are reincarnated angels that didn’t fight in the War against Satan?), but at the end of the day, is it any more ridiculous than the concept of the Holy Trinity, or the rest of it?

– Ladies and gentlemen (especially the gentlemen, obviously), I present the Twerk Team – a group of business-minded strippers who decided to turn their God-given talents for shaking their coconut-stuffed asses into a business that’s been getting some internet buzz ever since Ludacris endorsed their video version of his new hit song “How Low”. Let me just say, anytime a cadre of firm-bodied young ladies want to try and make some money by swinging their hips to and fro, I’m all for it:

– Sometimes, people just need to take a step back and reassess their place in the universe: