Posts Tagged ‘Johnny Depp’

I Love The Internet (pt. 29)

January 26, 2011 Leave a comment

Hey, remember that Master P song, "Mr. Ice Cream Man"?

Oh, Gucci Mane; promise me you’ll never change.

– I know it’s never going to happen, but with guys like Newt Gingrich and Bill Kristol all over TV, it would be nice to see someone like Richard Trumka getting a little more airplay.

– Some things aren’t obvious until they’re starkly pointed out. Example: Johnny Depp has had a lot of weird roles.

These are so in my wheelhouse that’s it’s not even funny. Caleb Charland, you are my new favorite photographer.

– My ass that this is Margaret McPoyle. My entire ass.

– Look, it’s always gonna sting losing Mila Kunis, but if you have to get a rebound, you could do a lot worse than a porn star.

– Really, Kanye? You spent $180,000 on a crazy-ass watch that has an iced-out picture of yourself? Have you never heard of a mirror? How the hell can you tell what time it is? Isn’t that the entire point of a watch?

– God damnit, bro.

– This is Jeannette McCurdy of the Disney Channel’s “iCarly”. This is her proving that you’re never too young to have your tits out. And this is Christy Carlson Romano, formerly of Even Stevens and voice of popular cartoon Kim Possible agreeing with her. I have only one question; what the hell is going on with Disney girls these days? More on this later…

– Of course this video comes out after Halloween.

– How about some fun timesucks? Isle of Tune, anyone? Oh, not your thing. Perhaps Entanglement is more to your liking. You don’t like either of them, you say? Then how about 50 more Flash games. Also, if you want something a little more intellectual, here’s some brain puzzles, and a game that tests your reactions; don’t say I never gave you anything.

– This picture is even better when you finally do find Waldo.

– You know that scene in that Keanu Reeves movie The Replacements (I know, just bear with me) where the local “dancers” the head cheerleader hired to be her squad start showing their “moves” out on the field?Yeah…Los Marineritas de Almirante Brown de Argentina are basically the real-life version of that, but with crazy-hot Argentinian women. Yeah.

Vertical cities always seem like an awesome idea, but I’ve always had reservations. What about people with claustrophobia? What about a base-width/structure-height ratio? How easy is it to move from level to level, and would that ease (or lack of it) translate to a segregated hierarchy?

– From the same people who brought you “weird Russian Gadget Hackwrench cult“, here’s “weird Peruvian dress-up-your-guinea-pig celebration!

– I’m torn on whether or not I find the idea of city-sized invisibility cloaks that affect space and time incredibly awesome or incredibly disturbing….it’s probably a good-sized amount of both.


– OK, smart guy. You think a couple of hours a day of Fox News makes you qualified to tackle difficult political issues? Then here – you fix the budget.

– Hey, wanna feel old? Guess where you’ve seen this girl before. Give up? Prepare to cry.

– Not only is that sexy, but hey – dye that thing purple, throw on a sash and dye your hair, and you got a perfect Psylocke costume.

– If you saw Charlie Wilson’s War, you might remember this belly dancer. Well, her name is Tracy Phillips, and her father is former Dallas Cowboys head coach (and current Houston Texans defensive coordinator) Wade Phillips. Yeah. This guy. Guess that explains why Jerry Jones kept him around for so long…

– Since it’s not being reported on any news channels (seriously, what the fuck?) I feel that I cannot emphasize this enough – stay the fuck out of Mexico. Nobody wants any part of what’s going on down there; not even the Mexicans. Oh, and if you’re a pretty girl from the Andes region of Columbia – like, say, Juliana Sossa, Angie Sanclamente, or Laura Elena Zuniga – run. Run, and don’t even look back for a second.

– The more I see of Susan Coffey, the more and more I want to see.

This reminds me of the part of Gulliver’s Travels where the titular character is in Brobdingnag, the land of giants, and can’t help but notice that at that much of a size disparity, even the most attractive people appear disgusting. Something to think about. Oh, and it should go real well with these touchable holograms Japanese scientists are developing.

– Wait – there was a second season of Rupaul’s Drag Race?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Snuff Film.

– If you’re a man and you don’t have a smile on your face after scrolling down a few minutes, either you’re gay or you’re dead.

– Hey, I’ll say this: these guys have as good a shot of finishing their self-made Zelda film as anyone.

-Yes, it’s beyond messed up that this girl is in danger of losing her scholarship over completely legal activities, but honestly – how stupid must she be to agree to be in a porno while in college! Does she have any idea how much porno college-age guys watch? What – she goes to ASU? Oh…that explains that, then.


– Up until I went to college (go Gators), I wasn’t really a sports fan. I paid just about enough attention to be aware of what was happening, but for the most part I was solidly disinterested…except for basketball. And one of the things I remember hearing about early on, was the remarkable nature of the “basketball groupie”. With that said, I’d like to thank the ladies of Basketball Wives (an amazing title, considering that none of the women on the show are actually married to basketball players), especially Royce Reed, Evelyn Lozada, and most recently Jennifer Williams for bringing this “culture” into the spotlight, where hopefully it will shrivel and die in the withering rays of the sun.

– Now this is the type of top-10 list I can get behind.

– It’s interesting to see how a song or story can take on a completely different meaning depending on how it’s read/heard. For example, here’s Christopher Walken “performing” Lada Gaga’s “Pokerface”:

– …and here’s Werner Herzog ripping apart the facade that is “Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel”:

My Side Of The Mountain always was one of my favorite books as a kid:

– Nosaj Thing is the shit:

– A little played out, but c’mon; that’s adorable:

– And hey, speaking of puppets:

– Really? This is the first time The Roots, Erykah Badu & Eve have performed “You Got Me” together live?

–  Um…that’s…I’m, like, 70% sure this is sexy. Also, more Masuimi Max here:


– Wait – there were 10 minutes of outtakes from Chappelle’s Show’s hilarious “Black Bush” sketch?

– Mark Visser riding a 40-foot wave at night, TRON style. YES:


– Lazy Teenage Superheroes. This is brilliant, and it was only made for $300:

– Eat your heart out, Tiger Woods:


The Undead Revolution

August 15, 2009 4 comments

Everyone’s got their something, you know? Me – I’m pretty much your run-of-the-mill nerd (I don’t like using the word geek, even though it’s probably just as accurate, because of it’s etymological history) – I’m into technology, books, comics, science, etc. But my “something”? Theoretical physics. Tell me that Michio Kaku has a new paper out, or that Spain’s MAGIC telescope might’ve just proven the existence of quantum foam, and you’ve got me hooked tighter than a Republican congressman who just found out there’s a new Boy Scout chapter opening up down the street.
Some people are complete sports freaks, and others are totally into fashion. People can even extend their idiosyncrasies into sex – I once had a roommate who was totally into eyeball licking. True story. My point is, everyone has something that…well, it’s not exactly a passion per se, but they like it more than everyone else they know, and it’s an interest that’s slightly off the beaten path. It’s their thing.
My friend Josh? His thing is zombies.
Let me give you an example – the other day, we were wasted at a friend’s house at one in the morning, when her dog decided that it needed to take a piss immediately. So we’re outside, waiting for the pug to do its business, when out of nowhere he says, “This would be a really good place to defend against a zombie attack.”
“Oh yeah – two bodies of water nearby, clear sightlines…I’d make a last stand here.”
“Uh, OK.” But that wasn’t the end of it – he asked me what type of guns I’d use, how I’d fight them off, that sort of thing. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, mind you – it’s just that I never thought about it before, and I told him so.
He just laughed. “Man, I’ve thought about that shit in depth.”
Because that’s his thing.
Why do I bring this up? Because I’m officially declaring the vampire fad to be in its last throes. Mark my words, the zombies are rising once again.
Now, I know some of you are thinking, “What about Twilight? That shit’s everywhere, and when that New Moon drops, forget it.” Well let me tell you something – the world is not made up of teenage girls with shitty taste, OK? For every tweener girl I know (and before you start thinking I’m a pedo, I’ve got a 13-year-old sister who has friends over quite a bit) who actively lusts over pale, wan non-threatening “monsters” in Oregon, or wherever the hell they are, I know two grown-ass people who wouldn’t piss down Robert Pattinson’s throat if his lungs were on fire. Not to mention everyone’s trying to capitalize on the current bloodsucker fad. “True Blood”, “The Vampire Diaries”, “Blood: The Last Vampire”, the Anita Blake book series and upcoming TV movie…vampires are everywhere, and thus, about to pass the “I really don’t give a fuck” event horizon.
Then you have zombies.
First, there’s “The Walking Dead”, one of the best comic books out there right now (written by the brilliant Robert Kirkman, I might add), coming to AMC as a series. But that’s not all – this year alone, there’s a ton of zombie flicks coming out. You’ve got the Wesley Snipes zombie western “Gallowwalker“, a movie called “Samurai Zombie” that sounds unbelievably epic, the zombie Nazi movie “Dead Snow“…hell, there’s even a documentary out called “Zombie Girl: The Movie“, about the coolest fucking kid I’ve ever heard of: a twelve-year-old girl making a self-written/directed zombie flick called “Pathogen”. When’s the last time you heard of anyone making their own vampire flick? Never, that’s when, because vampire fans prefer to spend their time talking about how “dark” and “mysterious” they are while they drink tomato juice that they pretend is blood.
But the biggest news of all? “Diamond Dead“, directed by the big man himself, George A. motherfucking Romero. Starring Johnny Depp, Marilyn Manson, Ozzy Osbourne, Gwen Stefani and DAVID BOWIE (ground control to Major Tom!), it’s about…well, I’ll let this quote from Romero explain:

The film is about an 80’s-style rock band that are killed in a freak accident, all but the singer who makes a deal with death to bring them back…so they all come back as zombies and become the biggest band in the world.

Depp, Bowie, Manson, Ozzy and Stefani decked out as zombies rocking onstage? Sold, sold, a million times sold! And this is all just off the top of my head; trust me, there’s a ton more zombie stuff out there waiting to chew on Edward and Bella’s brains. Trust me; it may seem all sparkly skin and high cheekbones now, but there’s shuffling, mumbling horror coming our way, and oh is it awesome.

P.S. – This is fucking hilarious:

P.P.S. – One of my all-time favorite zombie pictures