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I Love The Internet (pt. 29)

January 26, 2011 Leave a comment

Hey, remember that Master P song, "Mr. Ice Cream Man"?

Oh, Gucci Mane; promise me you’ll never change.

– I know it’s never going to happen, but with guys like Newt Gingrich and Bill Kristol all over TV, it would be nice to see someone like Richard Trumka getting a little more airplay.

– Some things aren’t obvious until they’re starkly pointed out. Example: Johnny Depp has had a lot of weird roles.

These are so in my wheelhouse that’s it’s not even funny. Caleb Charland, you are my new favorite photographer.

– My ass that this is Margaret McPoyle. My entire ass.

– Look, it’s always gonna sting losing Mila Kunis, but if you have to get a rebound, you could do a lot worse than a porn star.

– Really, Kanye? You spent $180,000 on a crazy-ass watch that has an iced-out picture of yourself? Have you never heard of a mirror? How the hell can you tell what time it is? Isn’t that the entire point of a watch?

– God damnit, bro.

– This is Jeannette McCurdy of the Disney Channel’s “iCarly”. This is her proving that you’re never too young to have your tits out. And this is Christy Carlson Romano, formerly of Even Stevens and voice of popular cartoon Kim Possible agreeing with her. I have only one question; what the hell is going on with Disney girls these days? More on this later…

– Of course this video comes out after Halloween.

– How about some fun timesucks? Isle of Tune, anyone? Oh, not your thing. Perhaps Entanglement is more to your liking. You don’t like either of them, you say? Then how about 50 more Flash games. Also, if you want something a little more intellectual, here’s some brain puzzles, and a game that tests your reactions; don’t say I never gave you anything.

– This picture is even better when you finally do find Waldo.

– You know that scene in that Keanu Reeves movie The Replacements (I know, just bear with me) where the local “dancers” the head cheerleader hired to be her squad start showing their “moves” out on the field?Yeah…Los Marineritas de Almirante Brown de Argentina are basically the real-life version of that, but with crazy-hot Argentinian women. Yeah.

Vertical cities always seem like an awesome idea, but I’ve always had reservations. What about people with claustrophobia? What about a base-width/structure-height ratio? How easy is it to move from level to level, and would that ease (or lack of it) translate to a segregated hierarchy?

– From the same people who brought you “weird Russian Gadget Hackwrench cult“, here’s “weird Peruvian dress-up-your-guinea-pig celebration!

– I’m torn on whether or not I find the idea of city-sized invisibility cloaks that affect space and time incredibly awesome or incredibly disturbing….it’s probably a good-sized amount of both.

Julia Crown. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

– OK, smart guy. You think a couple of hours a day of Fox News makes you qualified to tackle difficult political issues? Then here – you fix the budget.

– Hey, wanna feel old? Guess where you’ve seen this girl before. Give up? Prepare to cry.

– Not only is that sexy, but hey – dye that thing purple, throw on a sash and dye your hair, and you got a perfect Psylocke costume.

– If you saw Charlie Wilson’s War, you might remember this belly dancer. Well, her name is Tracy Phillips, and her father is former Dallas Cowboys head coach (and current Houston Texans defensive coordinator) Wade Phillips. Yeah. This guy. Guess that explains why Jerry Jones kept him around for so long…

– Since it’s not being reported on any news channels (seriously, what the fuck?) I feel that I cannot emphasize this enough – stay the fuck out of Mexico. Nobody wants any part of what’s going on down there; not even the Mexicans. Oh, and if you’re a pretty girl from the Andes region of Columbia – like, say, Juliana Sossa, Angie Sanclamente, or Laura Elena Zuniga – run. Run, and don’t even look back for a second.

– The more I see of Susan Coffey, the more and more I want to see.

This reminds me of the part of Gulliver’s Travels where the titular character is in Brobdingnag, the land of giants, and can’t help but notice that at that much of a size disparity, even the most attractive people appear disgusting. Something to think about. Oh, and it should go real well with these touchable holograms Japanese scientists are developing.

– Wait – there was a second season of Rupaul’s Drag Race?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Snuff Film.

– If you’re a man and you don’t have a smile on your face after scrolling down a few minutes, either you’re gay or you’re dead.

– Hey, I’ll say this: these guys have as good a shot of finishing their self-made Zelda film as anyone.

-Yes, it’s beyond messed up that this girl is in danger of losing her scholarship over completely legal activities, but honestly – how stupid must she be to agree to be in a porno while in college! Does she have any idea how much porno college-age guys watch? What – she goes to ASU? Oh…that explains that, then.

AAAAAHHHHHH!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

– Up until I went to college (go Gators), I wasn’t really a sports fan. I paid just about enough attention to be aware of what was happening, but for the most part I was solidly disinterested…except for basketball. And one of the things I remember hearing about early on, was the remarkable nature of the “basketball groupie”. With that said, I’d like to thank the ladies of Basketball Wives (an amazing title, considering that none of the women on the show are actually married to basketball players), especially Royce Reed, Evelyn Lozada, and most recently Jennifer Williams for bringing this “culture” into the spotlight, where hopefully it will shrivel and die in the withering rays of the sun.

– Now this is the type of top-10 list I can get behind.

– It’s interesting to see how a song or story can take on a completely different meaning depending on how it’s read/heard. For example, here’s Christopher Walken “performing” Lada Gaga’s “Pokerface”:

– …and here’s Werner Herzog ripping apart the facade that is “Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel”:

My Side Of The Mountain always was one of my favorite books as a kid:

– Nosaj Thing is the shit:

– A little played out, but c’mon; that’s adorable:

– And hey, speaking of puppets:

– Really? This is the first time The Roots, Erykah Badu & Eve have performed “You Got Me” together live?

–  Um…that’s…I’m, like, 70% sure this is sexy. Also, more Masuimi Max here:

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/5113311]

– Wait – there were 10 minutes of outtakes from Chappelle’s Show’s hilarious “Black Bush” sketch?

– Mark Visser riding a 40-foot wave at night, TRON style. YES:

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/19013071]

– Lazy Teenage Superheroes. This is brilliant, and it was only made for $300:

– Eat your heart out, Tiger Woods:

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I Love The Internet (pt. 14)

November 17, 2009 Leave a comment

…aaaanndd we’re back!

– If you live in Florida and you care even a little bit about letting responsible adults choose for themselves whether or not they feel that marijuana, a completely naturally occurring plant that has yet to kill a single person in the history of mankind, would be an effective treatment for their ailments, sign this petition sponsored by People United For Medical Marijuana for a constitutional amendment that “gives patients the right to grow, obtain, purchase and possess medical marijuana under a doctor’s supervision.” Pharmaceutical companies have been gouging the American public for decades, and have spent untold millions, if not billions, fighting the legalization of marijuana for anyone, and especially those who could use it, because the idea of a easily grown multiple-use panacea like marijuana is anathema to their entire business plan. Fight it.
– I would imagine choosing the 15 hottest big-breasted Japanese gravure models is something like figuring out who the best 15 NBA players are, or what the best types of candy are – no matter what, everyone comes away satisfied.
Jessica Alba getting spanked. Just…wow.
– This is really pathetic: out of the top 30 grossing films of this decade, two weren’t remakes or sequels or adaptations of established properties, “Finding Nemo” and “Kung Fu Panda”. That’s it. I wonder when people are gonna be so over all of it that they go back to books.
– Miss Universe Japan 2008 Hiroko Mima. Miss Universe Trinidad & Tobago 2008 Anya Ayoung-Chee. Oh, and Anya’s boyfriend. Together, naked in a hotel room with a video camera. What’s the worst that could happen?
– “Men suck at eating pussy; not because they don’t like it, but because it’s really fucking hard.” Oh, internet – you never disappoint, do you?
– Back when Arizona State University decided against giving President Barack Obama an honorary degree when he delivered a speech there, a lot of people asked, “What does ASU have going for it?” Well
– It may be considered contemporary art, and it may only reach 20 mph when it’s all said and done, but damn turning an old-school SEGA Outrun arcade game into an actual working vehicle? That’s so fucking cool.
– I don’t watch “Dancing With The Stars”, but the fact that Joanna Krupa and Mya were on this season almost pulled me in. Especially Mya; I’ve been checking for her since she was making songs with Silkk the Shocker.
– “Sir! The Romulans have launched a bevy of photon torpedoes across our starboard bow, reducing our shields to 23% and…is that fucking R2-D2?”
– Look – we’re all nerds, OK? It’s just that some of us don’t know what type of nerd we are; that’s where this handy quiz comes in.
– Some people out there can’t stand the Wii. They say it’s not a real console, it’s meant to gouge the pockets of gullible families, blah blah blah. If you think that way, check this collection of videos out, and let me know if you still feel the same.
– Sigh…honestly? If you’re gonna fuck around with a C-string, just don’t wear panties at all. Seriously, at that point underwear’s just more trouble than it’s worth.
– Everyday I hear about something that brings a smile to my face, because it reminds me that despite all the crap going on in the world, I’m living in “the future”, where the miracles of science are limited only be the bounds of human imagination. Today? “Scientists create bacteria that lights up around landmines.”
– Slayer and Megadeth are on tour with Testament, and tickets are only $10! It’s 1991’s “Clash of the Titans” all over again!
– On June 12, 1970, San Diego Padres pitcher Dock Ellis pitched a no-hitter. An impressive feat, but not all that historically noteworthy…until it came out that Ellis was massively tripping on LSD the whole time. This is his story: