Aural Landscape (9/27/10)

September 27, 2010 Leave a comment

This is Darwin Deez.

I know, I know, I know – this guy looks like a complete doof. But do me a favor and just listen to this stuff, these bubbles of breezy adorable guitar pop. I like it, even though he looks like he just stepped off the set of some cheap “Anchorman” knockoff.

The only problem I have with this type of stuff is it brings out the annoying music nerd in me. You know, that guy who’s always saying stuff like, “Oh, them? Yeah, I heard their stuff on an underground rare print EP at an alternative art show, like, six months ago”? Yeah. And of course, I’m not the only one (scroll to #7) .

Go check out Darwin Deez’s self-titled album via his label Lucky Numbers (now with some sweet remixes), or http://www.itunes.com/darwindeez, or swing on by darwindeez.com.

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Stokely Carmichael Would Be Pissed…

September 26, 2010 1 comment

So if you’ve been reading comics lately, you may have heard about the well-received Marvel miniseries Shadowland (aka “Yep, it still totally sucks to be Daredevil”). And in all honesty, it’s been a pretty good series. A possessed Daredevil taking command of an innumerable horde of evil mystical ninjas, building a giant middle finger in the middle of Hell’s Kitchen and enforcing martial law, coming into direct (and lethal) conflict with “street-level” heroes and villains like Bullseye, Luke Cage & Iron Fist, Wilson Fisk, the Punisher, Spider-Man, Moon Knight and others? That’s a fantastic idea!

Which is why it’s such a shame that, as usual, a completely ridiculous idea immediately followed.

It’s been pretty clear that the whole thing is going to collapse around Matt Murdock, and sure enough Marvel announced that Daredevil will be ending in November with issue #512, and would be followed by 2 new projects: the 4-part miniseries Daredevil: Reborn, and an at-the-time unnamed series that would have one of the five characters above taking up residence as the new “hero” of Hell’s Kitchen.

Um…OK?

I guess I’m game; I mean, it’s not the weirdest thing to happen in a series. If I had to rank them in terms of who made the most sense, though, it would probably like this:

1) Falcon, 2) Kraven, 3) Gambit, 4) Black Panther, 5) Nova

The Falcon or Kraven would be obvious choices to me: they’re both “street-level” characters, they’ve got long, weird histories that range all throughout the Marvel Universe and they’ve got connections to other notable New York heroes. Gambit would be a stretch (I don’t think he’s an interesting enough character to carry a series), but I guess you could work in the whole Thieves’ Guild angle or something. I guess it just depends on how much you like Mr. Sinister, or Ms. Sinister or whatever the hell Nathaniel Essex is calling him/herself now, because those two are damn near joined at the hip. As far as Nova or Black Panther, I figured they were both there to essentially throw people off the trail. I mean, there’s no way either of them get tapped, right?

Right?

Sigh. There is so much wrong with all of this that I’m actually not sure where to begin.

First of all, does Hell’s Kitchen even need its own personal hero at this point? It’s not like it’s a city or something; HK is a neighborhood in Manhattan – that’s all. Granted, there is a history between Murdock and the neighborhood, and considering the fact that Daredevil doesn’t strictly have any superhuman physical attributes, 25 blocks or so is a much more reasonable area for a guy to patrol, much less a blind guy, but c’mon; it’s not like Spider-Man goes around calling himself the “Queens Webhead” or something. Basically, if not Murdock, it should probably be nobody.

Which leads me to my next point: why the Black Panther? Seriously, you could’ve given me all day to try to name Marvel’s choice and I would never have come up with T’Challa. On no level does this make sense. And it’s not like he doesn’t have shit going on right now – his (former?not former? I really don’t know what the deal is there) kingdom is in tatters after an attack by Dr. Doom and an attempted internal coup, and he just destroyed Wakanda’s entire supply of vibranium (only their most valuable stuff) in order to stick it to the Latverian despot. So instead of all that…he decides to have a mid-life crisis and go to New York to “discover himself”? I know people like to think that black guys have a tendency of running out on their responsibilities, but this is ridiculous; it’s really the type of stuff that makes me feel like those Wakandan rebels aren’t exactly in the wrong. And where the hell is Storm during all this?

Any excuse to post this cover will do, really.

A storied character with no set direction, dropped into a completely incongruous situation for no discernible reason, with a couple of comics rookies at the helm. This is going to end so, so badly, and that’s a damn shame – the Black Panther deserves better.

In My Dreams (Gugu Mbatha-Raw Edition)

September 21, 2010 Leave a comment

First of all, much like Ms. Mbatha-Raw, I also have a name that’s considered “unpronounceable” by a lot of people, but really isn’t (as far as I’m concerned, her costar Boris Kodjoe has a much trickier last name), so…we’ve got that going for us? Honestly, I’m not really sure where I was going with that – it’s just that I see a woman like this, and I try to think up any connection, no matter how tenuous, on the off chance that it might turn out to be useful. You know, if I ever met her, or something…oh hey, look – she was Tish Jones in “Doctor Who” too! So she’s a hot chick with a sexy accent that has a recurring role on a classic sci-fi institution, and is going to be starring in a JJ Abrams spy show (which, by most accounts, can be summed up in “meh“)? Crap…I may be in trouble here…

Aural Landscape (9/9/10)

September 9, 2010 Leave a comment

\”Merchant of Metaphors\” – Canibus

Oh shit, Canibus is back, and he’s got a new album coming out October 6! This guy is one of my top 10 MC’s (not a top 10 “rapper”, though – big difference), and it continuously boggles my mind that he never gets any radio play, or love from the hip-hop “establishment”. Is everyone still that pissed over the whole LL Cool J thing? Whatever – this guy’s rhymes are like post-apocalyptic sci-fi free-form poetry. How can you not dig that? (Props to Nah Right)

I Love The Internet (pt. 26)

September 8, 2010 Leave a comment

– OK, so working in an ultra-modern version of Robin Hood’s hideout might seem cool, but nothing beats a sweltering steakhouse in Orlando in terms of job awesomeness, right? Right, people?

– Well, this should keep all those damn Freemason conspiracists busy…until 2012, that is. Unless our shrinking moon somehow fucks us over, of course.

– The secret history of Hanna-Barbera. Oh, and Power Puff Girls and Samurai Jack take place in the same universe. Mind=blown.

– Someone up there must like Daniel Tosh, because already-legendary gross-out flick The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is getting a sequel, entitled The Human Centipede II (The Final Sequence), the highlight of which will be a 12-person centipede. These cosplayers must be shitting themselves (and by definition, each other) which excitement.

– Seriously, fuck Ken Keeler. Writer for one of the funniest shows on television, and a Ph.D. in Math (Note – I feel like if you have a Ph.D, that field is capitalized when referenced in terms of said Ph.D)? Great; meanwhile, I’m struggling – and failing – to come up with pithy one-liners.

– See, instead of a pithy one-liner (see above), I just have a question: Did he go out and buy a 30-inch dildo, or did he already have it? Or did his mom have it? Bet that was a fun conversation. “Hey mom, can I borrow your 7-pound latex nightmare? I’m dressing up like a gay version of the Karate Kid from a dystopian future so I can have the world’s most sexually confused slapfight against a Spanish Inquisition LARP-er.”

– I really, really miss Firefly.

Triceratops aren’t real? MotherFUCKER! First the Brontosaurus, now good old Trikertop (what I called it as a kid)…what’s next, T-Rex?

– I get the mentality of “Any publicity is good publicity,” but something tells me that using ad’s specifically designed to mimic Hieronymus Bosch is probably not too good when you sell condoms.

– Sure, there’s been a ton of Inception-styled mashups lately, but did you know that Christoper Nolan stole the entire idea from an old Scrooge McDuck comic? It has to be true – it came to me in a dream.

– You know who Pete Rose is, right? Cincinnati Reds, all-time hits leader, banned from Cooperstown for betting on games; yeah, you know. But did you know that he is currently dating Kiana Kim, described by some as “the Pamela Anderson of Korea“? If you would just allow me a moment to pick my jaw up off the floor…WTF?

– Oldie but a goodie: old-school Kodachrome pics of pre-WWII America in beautiful color.

– Looks like Christoper Columbus was right after all; he was just off by about 400 years or so.

– With the current economic hardships enveloping the country, some of you out there might be looking for a sugar mama to take care of you. Might I suggest this list of the 16 hottest billionaire daughters? I’m waiting by the phone, Tamara Ecclestone.

– Oh, look: apparently Wall Street “elites” are moving away from cocaine, and getting into marijuana in droves. Well, at least this means weed will probably be legal in a year’s time or so – can’t have rich people getting in trouble for doing something, right? Fuckers.

– Thank you, io9, for this list of ridiculous gender-swapped heroes/heroines. Pretty crazy, although I’d be willing to bet Lady Lobo would be insane in the sack.

– It’s not too often that you see an inspirational poster start out with the words, “The world is meaningless,” but somehow this one pulls it off.

– Yes, it’s Google Chrome-ready only, but this joint venture between the online giant and The Arcade Fire is…I don’t even know what too call it. A movie? A game? A music video? Whatever it is, it’s absolutely epic.

– Look people, it would be great if Neil Gaiman’s literary classic Sandman actually made it to TV, but I’ve heard this before, so call me when Warner Bros. is filming a pilot, OK?

– As a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan (I’ll give you a minute or two to finish laughing), before I read this article I never would’ve guessed there were 13 owners in the NFL worse than the Glazers. Thank you for educating me, Mike Silver, and let me offer my condolences to Bengals fans because Silver absolutely annihilates Cincinnati owner Mike Brown here.

– Looks like Dennis Rodman really took Dr. Drew’s words to heart on VH1’s “Sober House” last season.

– Darren Arronofsky’s new film Black Swan is getting some press because of the whole Natalie Portman-Mila Kunis maybe-lesbianism/definitely-kissing goodness(flashes at 1:20), but initial reviews are less along the lines of “Oooh – looks like it’s sexytime,” and more “What the fuck was that?”:

Seriously…what the fuck is going on there?

– Time for a blast from the past! You know, Sega must’ve made 10 crappy Sonic games, and all they really had to do was remake the original two games in 3D and they would’ve been golden:

– I keep telling you people, vampires are on their way out – it’s all about zombies in 2011. Check out this trailer for AMC’s “The Walking Dead” if you don’t believe me:

Yeeeeesssssss:

– In honor of the upcoming NFL season, who doesn’t love a good cheerleader face-off? In the red corner, we have the newest Lady Pirates:

and in the green corner, the sweeter side of the Miami Dolphins:

In case you were wondering, yes those are the only football teams in Florida.

– Get ready to run through a fucking brick wall:

In My Dreams (Alexis Lopez Edition)

September 7, 2010 Leave a comment

Yes, she’s hot. Mind-numbingly hot, in fact (supporting evidence can be found here and here). But what really cinched it for me? Take a look at this picture:

That’s a shot from the absolutely ridiculous 2001 Disney TV movie “The Luck Of The Irish”, a nothing movie starring the kid that played Young Jarod in “The Pretender” (one of my all-time favorite never-got-a-chance TV shows) that I specifically remember my baby sister watching what seemed like a hundred times. Damn, those Disney girls sure do grow up, don’t they?

I Think Something May Be Wrong With Me…

September 2, 2010 1 comment

…because when I heard about the crazy guy that took hostages at the Discovery Center yesterday, I naturally felt the “usual” array of horror/curiousity/dismay/etc., but when I heard the part about his crazy demands for better TV programming (“Develop shows that mention the Malthusian sciences!”), all I could think of was this: