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I Love The Internet (pt. 29)

January 26, 2011 Leave a comment

Hey, remember that Master P song, "Mr. Ice Cream Man"?

Oh, Gucci Mane; promise me you’ll never change.

– I know it’s never going to happen, but with guys like Newt Gingrich and Bill Kristol all over TV, it would be nice to see someone like Richard Trumka getting a little more airplay.

– Some things aren’t obvious until they’re starkly pointed out. Example: Johnny Depp has had a lot of weird roles.

These are so in my wheelhouse that’s it’s not even funny. Caleb Charland, you are my new favorite photographer.

– My ass that this is Margaret McPoyle. My entire ass.

– Look, it’s always gonna sting losing Mila Kunis, but if you have to get a rebound, you could do a lot worse than a porn star.

– Really, Kanye? You spent $180,000 on a crazy-ass watch that has an iced-out picture of yourself? Have you never heard of a mirror? How the hell can you tell what time it is? Isn’t that the entire point of a watch?

– God damnit, bro.

– This is Jeannette McCurdy of the Disney Channel’s “iCarly”. This is her proving that you’re never too young to have your tits out. And this is Christy Carlson Romano, formerly of Even Stevens and voice of popular cartoon Kim Possible agreeing with her. I have only one question; what the hell is going on with Disney girls these days? More on this later…

– Of course this video comes out after Halloween.

– How about some fun timesucks? Isle of Tune, anyone? Oh, not your thing. Perhaps Entanglement is more to your liking. You don’t like either of them, you say? Then how about 50 more Flash games. Also, if you want something a little more intellectual, here’s some brain puzzles, and a game that tests your reactions; don’t say I never gave you anything.

– This picture is even better when you finally do find Waldo.

– You know that scene in that Keanu Reeves movie The Replacements (I know, just bear with me) where the local “dancers” the head cheerleader hired to be her squad start showing their “moves” out on the field?Yeah…Los Marineritas de Almirante Brown de Argentina are basically the real-life version of that, but with crazy-hot Argentinian women. Yeah.

Vertical cities always seem like an awesome idea, but I’ve always had reservations. What about people with claustrophobia? What about a base-width/structure-height ratio? How easy is it to move from level to level, and would that ease (or lack of it) translate to a segregated hierarchy?

– From the same people who brought you “weird Russian Gadget Hackwrench cult“, here’s “weird Peruvian dress-up-your-guinea-pig celebration!

– I’m torn on whether or not I find the idea of city-sized invisibility cloaks that affect space and time incredibly awesome or incredibly disturbing….it’s probably a good-sized amount of both.

Julia Crown. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

– OK, smart guy. You think a couple of hours a day of Fox News makes you qualified to tackle difficult political issues? Then here – you fix the budget.

– Hey, wanna feel old? Guess where you’ve seen this girl before. Give up? Prepare to cry.

– Not only is that sexy, but hey – dye that thing purple, throw on a sash and dye your hair, and you got a perfect Psylocke costume.

– If you saw Charlie Wilson’s War, you might remember this belly dancer. Well, her name is Tracy Phillips, and her father is former Dallas Cowboys head coach (and current Houston Texans defensive coordinator) Wade Phillips. Yeah. This guy. Guess that explains why Jerry Jones kept him around for so long…

– Since it’s not being reported on any news channels (seriously, what the fuck?) I feel that I cannot emphasize this enough – stay the fuck out of Mexico. Nobody wants any part of what’s going on down there; not even the Mexicans. Oh, and if you’re a pretty girl from the Andes region of Columbia – like, say, Juliana Sossa, Angie Sanclamente, or Laura Elena Zuniga – run. Run, and don’t even look back for a second.

– The more I see of Susan Coffey, the more and more I want to see.

This reminds me of the part of Gulliver’s Travels where the titular character is in Brobdingnag, the land of giants, and can’t help but notice that at that much of a size disparity, even the most attractive people appear disgusting. Something to think about. Oh, and it should go real well with these touchable holograms Japanese scientists are developing.

– Wait – there was a second season of Rupaul’s Drag Race?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Snuff Film.

– If you’re a man and you don’t have a smile on your face after scrolling down a few minutes, either you’re gay or you’re dead.

– Hey, I’ll say this: these guys have as good a shot of finishing their self-made Zelda film as anyone.

-Yes, it’s beyond messed up that this girl is in danger of losing her scholarship over completely legal activities, but honestly – how stupid must she be to agree to be in a porno while in college! Does she have any idea how much porno college-age guys watch? What – she goes to ASU? Oh…that explains that, then.

AAAAAHHHHHH!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

– Up until I went to college (go Gators), I wasn’t really a sports fan. I paid just about enough attention to be aware of what was happening, but for the most part I was solidly disinterested…except for basketball. And one of the things I remember hearing about early on, was the remarkable nature of the “basketball groupie”. With that said, I’d like to thank the ladies of Basketball Wives (an amazing title, considering that none of the women on the show are actually married to basketball players), especially Royce Reed, Evelyn Lozada, and most recently Jennifer Williams for bringing this “culture” into the spotlight, where hopefully it will shrivel and die in the withering rays of the sun.

– Now this is the type of top-10 list I can get behind.

– It’s interesting to see how a song or story can take on a completely different meaning depending on how it’s read/heard. For example, here’s Christopher Walken “performing” Lada Gaga’s “Pokerface”:

– …and here’s Werner Herzog ripping apart the facade that is “Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel”:

My Side Of The Mountain always was one of my favorite books as a kid:

– Nosaj Thing is the shit:

– A little played out, but c’mon; that’s adorable:

– And hey, speaking of puppets:

– Really? This is the first time The Roots, Erykah Badu & Eve have performed “You Got Me” together live?

–  Um…that’s…I’m, like, 70% sure this is sexy. Also, more Masuimi Max here:

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/5113311]

– Wait – there were 10 minutes of outtakes from Chappelle’s Show’s hilarious “Black Bush” sketch?

– Mark Visser riding a 40-foot wave at night, TRON style. YES:

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/19013071]

– Lazy Teenage Superheroes. This is brilliant, and it was only made for $300:

– Eat your heart out, Tiger Woods:

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I Love The Internet (pt. 28)

November 28, 2010 1 comment

….aaaaannndd we’re back. Apparently while I was gone, Sheek Louch turned into a were-gorilla. Someone get this man a shiny suit immediately!

– So my friend was telling me about her quest to get a good Halloween costume, and she tells me that she saw a cute steampunk outfit, but didn’t get it because she “doesn’t agree with people who hate steam.” While the concept of alienated teenagers raging against a watery autocracy is pretty amusing, this Warren Ellis-inspired gallery of Steampunk Batmen is damn cool in its own right. Oh, and speaking of steampunk

– OH SHIT IT’S A NEW GIRL TALK ALBUM EVERYBODY SAY FUCK YEAH

– I desperately need more Hillary Fisher in my life.

– Oh, those wacky Russians. If this isn’t some sort of avant-garde Internet prank, this is one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard of.

– Well thank you very much, Rhys Cooper, for turning my entire 80’s-fueled youth into a GIGANTIC NIGHTMARE.

Miracle fruit, eh? What’s the over/under on how long it took before a couple took them and got down on a 69? A day? An hour?

Katy Perry Cleavage Bomb! You’re welcome, by the way…

– So apparently there are 8% more women than men in Latvia, and combined with a culture that encourages machismo (including heavy drinking and smoking, which leads to a ton of male deaths), Latvian women are finding themselves having to go abroad to find suitable men. On a separate note, Latvian women are apparently known for their unique beauty, former Playboy Playmate Igna Drozdova being among their number. Just sayin’…

– Well, this certainly puts Sixteen Stone in a whole new light

– Oh my God look at this GIANT KIT-KAT.

– Hey, you’d be smiling too.

– Let Christmas begin!!!

– So I don’t normally go for girls who seem like they probably spend way more time in the gym than I do, but…

Damn, Prudence Moe is for fucking real.

– Hey, it’s Jeju Loveland! An oldie but a goodie.

Deep-Fried Bacon Wrapped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. The End – Game Over.

– I almost, almost, wish this type of thing would happen in America, just to see how many FNC “journalists'” heads would explode.

– This is Victoria Givens. Victoria is famous for holding a world record. And just what is that world record, you ask? Why, she took it up the ass from 101 men in 7 hours. Presumably, this is a “before” shot.

– This just in: Greg Rucka is the fucking man.

– Rule 34 strikes Southpark. And I don’t know who Laurie B. is, but I dig her stuff.

– I’ll be impressed when this is offered in a “personalized” form.

– I never really got into “The Hard Times of RJ Berger”, but JESUS Amber Lancaster is gorgeous.

Foreign commercials are awesome.

– Look, everyone – it’s a real-life Charizard!

– There is literally no corner of this home that has not had people fucking in it. NONE.

– Tim Curry as the  Joker? Sidney Poitier, Bruce Lee & Pam Grier in The Matrix? Pure awesomeness.

– So I recently wrote a post making great mention of hot female sportscasters. I seriously fucked up by not mentioning Melanie Collins.

– Alice makes for a pretty decent bottom bitch:

– Why am I just now finding out that Mila Kunis and Zoe Saldana were in a movie where they played two college roommates in a “friends with benefits” relationship?

– When I was a kid, Skeletor was terrifying. Now that I’m older, he just sounds like a whiny old jerk:

– Look, when Hunter S. Thompson tells you he wants you to come out to his farm, get drunk and shoot guns, you don’t ask questions. You just go.

I Love The Internet (pt. 27)

September 27, 2010 Leave a comment

– Move over Kerri Strug; we have a new female heroine of Olympic perseverance.

– Is this a bookstore, or…heaven?

– I was all set to be good and sick of Sacha Baron Cohen, but then Graham King and Tim Headington had to go and give him the lead role in an upcoming biopic about the late great Freddie Mercury (one of the all-time great rock names, incidentally).

– Because if there’s anyone I want realizing man’s first contact with a species not of Earth, it’s a man who once wrote “Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.” That wasn’t sarcasm, by the way – I’m deadly serious.

– In case anyone felt like being horribly depressed today.

– So…does this mean that “Ramon” Flowers and “Rex” Richter hooked up? Because that is decidedly less hot than two girls getting together.

– This is the angriest homosexual I have ever seen. Maybe he’d be in a better mood if he lived here; I know I would.

– I never actually saw this remake, but I’m telling you this is absolute and complete horseshit. Velma hooking up with Shaggy behind Scooby’s back, and then trying to get between the two friends? Blasphemy! The fact that it even made it to ten episodes seriously bugs me.

– Huh; I had no idea Grand Theft Auto had one of those LEGO versions made. Oh, and speaking of which, THC-infused ice cream, California? Really? I swear, the siren song of the Golden Coast gets stronger every day…

– You know how every guy has a couple of women on their “list” that they would absolutely smash, but don’t necessarily want anyone to know that about them? For me, one of those women is “model” Coco.

– This honestly makes me smile.

– “Hmmm..the room looks ‘OK’, I guess. You know what would really tie it all together? A giant sleeping bag/sofa/burrito/vagina.”

– Well, damn. I guess nobody parties like Russian kite surfers.

– Why Luigi is truly the bad-ass in the family.

– Holy shit. From the sounds of this report, Mexico is about to completely explode. Man, I don’t even have a joke for that; that is some serious shit.

-I hate, repeat hate slideshows, but for the 50 hottest Hawaiian women? I’ll gladly make an exception.

– Wait; Grant Morrison’s writing a Watchmen knockoff and a psychedelic Western indie? Um…hey, if anyone can make it work, it’s Morrison, right? Right?

– Few would have guessed he’d grow up to be Gandalf AND Magneto.

– SCIENCE BOMB! A slate of upcoming particle physics experiments, for the apocalypse-minded man who still keeps an eye on his schedule; the story of a star that said “fuck you” to the usual astronomic conventions; apparently what we consider the “laws” of physics are just regional statutes, at best; and last, it turns out we know fuck-all about gravity.

– Normally I’ve got nothing but sneers for NASCAR, but if it gets you a wife like Samantha Sarcinella, hell, I’ll gladly drive in a circle for five or six hours.

– As far as I’m concerned, OK Go are officially trying too hard:

– This is just cheesy and over-the-top enough that it’s perfect:

– New rule: from now on, all action movie previews must be done a capella:

I Love The Internet (pt. 26)

September 8, 2010 Leave a comment

– OK, so working in an ultra-modern version of Robin Hood’s hideout might seem cool, but nothing beats a sweltering steakhouse in Orlando in terms of job awesomeness, right? Right, people?

– Well, this should keep all those damn Freemason conspiracists busy…until 2012, that is. Unless our shrinking moon somehow fucks us over, of course.

– The secret history of Hanna-Barbera. Oh, and Power Puff Girls and Samurai Jack take place in the same universe. Mind=blown.

– Someone up there must like Daniel Tosh, because already-legendary gross-out flick The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is getting a sequel, entitled The Human Centipede II (The Final Sequence), the highlight of which will be a 12-person centipede. These cosplayers must be shitting themselves (and by definition, each other) which excitement.

– Seriously, fuck Ken Keeler. Writer for one of the funniest shows on television, and a Ph.D. in Math (Note – I feel like if you have a Ph.D, that field is capitalized when referenced in terms of said Ph.D)? Great; meanwhile, I’m struggling – and failing – to come up with pithy one-liners.

– See, instead of a pithy one-liner (see above), I just have a question: Did he go out and buy a 30-inch dildo, or did he already have it? Or did his mom have it? Bet that was a fun conversation. “Hey mom, can I borrow your 7-pound latex nightmare? I’m dressing up like a gay version of the Karate Kid from a dystopian future so I can have the world’s most sexually confused slapfight against a Spanish Inquisition LARP-er.”

– I really, really miss Firefly.

Triceratops aren’t real? MotherFUCKER! First the Brontosaurus, now good old Trikertop (what I called it as a kid)…what’s next, T-Rex?

– I get the mentality of “Any publicity is good publicity,” but something tells me that using ad’s specifically designed to mimic Hieronymus Bosch is probably not too good when you sell condoms.

– Sure, there’s been a ton of Inception-styled mashups lately, but did you know that Christoper Nolan stole the entire idea from an old Scrooge McDuck comic? It has to be true – it came to me in a dream.

– You know who Pete Rose is, right? Cincinnati Reds, all-time hits leader, banned from Cooperstown for betting on games; yeah, you know. But did you know that he is currently dating Kiana Kim, described by some as “the Pamela Anderson of Korea“? If you would just allow me a moment to pick my jaw up off the floor…WTF?

– Oldie but a goodie: old-school Kodachrome pics of pre-WWII America in beautiful color.

– Looks like Christoper Columbus was right after all; he was just off by about 400 years or so.

– With the current economic hardships enveloping the country, some of you out there might be looking for a sugar mama to take care of you. Might I suggest this list of the 16 hottest billionaire daughters? I’m waiting by the phone, Tamara Ecclestone.

– Oh, look: apparently Wall Street “elites” are moving away from cocaine, and getting into marijuana in droves. Well, at least this means weed will probably be legal in a year’s time or so – can’t have rich people getting in trouble for doing something, right? Fuckers.

– Thank you, io9, for this list of ridiculous gender-swapped heroes/heroines. Pretty crazy, although I’d be willing to bet Lady Lobo would be insane in the sack.

– It’s not too often that you see an inspirational poster start out with the words, “The world is meaningless,” but somehow this one pulls it off.

– Yes, it’s Google Chrome-ready only, but this joint venture between the online giant and The Arcade Fire is…I don’t even know what too call it. A movie? A game? A music video? Whatever it is, it’s absolutely epic.

– Look people, it would be great if Neil Gaiman’s literary classic Sandman actually made it to TV, but I’ve heard this before, so call me when Warner Bros. is filming a pilot, OK?

– As a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan (I’ll give you a minute or two to finish laughing), before I read this article I never would’ve guessed there were 13 owners in the NFL worse than the Glazers. Thank you for educating me, Mike Silver, and let me offer my condolences to Bengals fans because Silver absolutely annihilates Cincinnati owner Mike Brown here.

– Looks like Dennis Rodman really took Dr. Drew’s words to heart on VH1’s “Sober House” last season.

– Darren Arronofsky’s new film Black Swan is getting some press because of the whole Natalie Portman-Mila Kunis maybe-lesbianism/definitely-kissing goodness(flashes at 1:20), but initial reviews are less along the lines of “Oooh – looks like it’s sexytime,” and more “What the fuck was that?”:

Seriously…what the fuck is going on there?

– Time for a blast from the past! You know, Sega must’ve made 10 crappy Sonic games, and all they really had to do was remake the original two games in 3D and they would’ve been golden:

– I keep telling you people, vampires are on their way out – it’s all about zombies in 2011. Check out this trailer for AMC’s “The Walking Dead” if you don’t believe me:

Yeeeeesssssss:

– In honor of the upcoming NFL season, who doesn’t love a good cheerleader face-off? In the red corner, we have the newest Lady Pirates:

and in the green corner, the sweeter side of the Miami Dolphins:

In case you were wondering, yes those are the only football teams in Florida.

– Get ready to run through a fucking brick wall:

I Love The Internet (pt. 25)

August 2, 2010 Leave a comment

– Robert A. Heinlein once said, “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.” I think, in a way, he would’ve been pleased with this story.

– Sub-title: “And you thought you would never need in math in the real world.”

– Another day, another celebrity unwittingly releasing an embarassing pic. Welcome to the club, Hayley Williams of Parramore (she’s legal, right?)!

– Hey, look; just in time for Halo: Reach, it’s an ACTUAL FUCKING ELITE.

– I knew there was a reason I liked Joakim Noah (besides him being a Gator and all). Oh, these pictures were taken during the season? Fantastic.

– Well hello, Rosario Dawson.

– Once again, for everyone who may have forgot: Bruce Lee is and will always be the fucking man.

– I love zombie flicks. Having said that, I don’t think I’m ready for a full-frontal gay alien zombie movie.

– You know how women in their 20’s generally treat Halloween like a convenient excuse to dress up in really revealing clothing to get a guilt-free rise out of guys? Comic-Con is just Halloween in July.

– I’m not a Maroon 5 fan, so I couldn’t care less about their new song “Misery”, but the model in the video, Anne Vyalitsyna? Wow.

– I am honestly conflicted on numerous levels by this.

– Ok, so, I understand anthropological perspective, and not judging cultures by your own cultural standards, and all that, but having said all that…the semen warriors of New Guinea are just fucked up.

– 12? There are 12 different types of penis piercings? Holy shit.

– The perfect gift for the average citizen who keeps finding themselves caught up in John Woo fight scenes.

– And lo, the terrible donut-bagel wars began, as foretold by the Nutritional Facts Prophecies.

– Listen to me very closely, OK? This is NOT Hayden Panettiere. It is in fact Marissa Miller (reddit to the rescue!). Please do not confuse the two in the future.

– Is he cumming or passing a kidney stone? Man…that was the angriest nut I’ve ever heard anyone bust.

– “Listen: If I allowed my will to run riot, this house would be full, you’d hear people screaming from sex upstairs. If I allowed my mind to run riot, that’s what this place would be like.” Yeah, Mike Tyson’s still around. Yeah, he’s still crazy. Some sports editor somewhere needs to say fuck it, and have Tyson and Rickey Henderson interview each other.

– Reason #247 I’m glad I’m a guy; instead of focusing on how much better than me these guys look, I can go ahead and ogle the ladies on this “Best Summer Bodies of 2010” list.

– Again with the rampant stupidity! Look, you can’t tell if a guy’s a virgin or not via his ears, OK? Are we clear, entire South Vietnamese legal system?

– For the courageous (or really old; let’s be honest) among us, here’s a poll/slideshow of the 16 best nude beaches in the world.

– Usually I complain whenever old shows or movies or whatever get remade, but new Beavis & Butthead shows? I’m sold.

– “Hold her down, Woody!”

– Yes, it took 17 months to make, and yes, it probably cost a couple of grand or so all-together, but God DAMN this homemade Daft Punk helmet is awesome.

– Man, Anna Faris has come a long way since “Scary Movie”, as these pics from the set of “What’s My Number” movie. Oh, and Chris Evans is naked in them too, if you’re into that.

– “In a coming video for his single “Power” that was created by the artist Marco Brambilla, Mr. West is seen standing imposingly with a heavy chain around his neck. As Mr. West raps the camera slowly zooms out in one continuous, unedited take to reveal him in a classical structure, surrounded by female attendants who are partly or entirely nude; some kneel before him on all fours, others wear devil horns and still others are suspended upside down from the ceiling. The Sword of Damocles hangs precariously over Mr. West’s head, and behind him an unseen executioner is preparing to strike him with a blade.” I’d say I missed you Kanye, but when did you ever leave?

– “And they’re all searching for one thing – The Wu-Tang Weapon!” ‘Bout time “The Golden Phoenix” came out; I’m pretty sure I heard about this movie a decade ago. And Eli Roth, too? Sheeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiit:

– This…this is amazing:

I Love The Internet (Video Edition p2)

July 31, 2010 Leave a comment

– It’s always nice starting a post off with a couple of cougars. Or are they pumas? MILFS? OK, so is there a term that everyone uses to describe hot older women? You know what; it doesn’t matter. Here’s Elle MacPherson, who’s 46:

and Stacey Dash, clocking in at a blazing 44 y.o. and looking like she just stepped off the set of “Clueless”. Just go ahead and fast-forward to about the 1:45 mark & do your best to ignore the former CO next to her:

– There’s going above and beyond your job description…and then there’s this guy. So so SO NSFW:

– HELL FUCKING YES IT’S THE GOON!!! A scarred behemoth and his psychopath friend running a protection racket in a Prohibition-style town full of zombies, gypsies, monsters and surrounded by a freaky-ass forest? Hurry out and come out already!!!:

– Well, Jacqui Ainsley just made my short list of “Women to Watch in 2011.” Interesting side note – she voiced Madison in the awesome video game Heavy Rain:

– If DC Universe Online is anywhere near as badass as this epic trailer suggests, I say to hell with the game; scrap the whole thing and just make this a movie already:

– So apparently someone at G4 had a hell of a brainwave, and got Warren Ellis(!) to write four Marvel-based anime serials that are going to air in 2011; Iron Man, X-Men, Wolverine and Blade. In light of this, here is a minute of undistilled-awesomeness from Iron Man:

– I’m not 100% sure how I feel about the whole “Gamer Girlz” culture that’s popping up (more on that in the future), but there is absolutely no confusion concerning my feelings toward this lovely guest host that goes by the name of Danielle; yowza! Excuse me whilst I go catch my breath:

– Y’know, TV used to be really, really cool. Especially in the 70’s…pretty sure you couldn’t get away with underage girls simulating oral sex on television these days:

– Eight minutes of a ton of dancers from various old movies doing their thing over a chopped-up Beatles song. YOU’RE WELCOME:

I Love The Internet (pt. 24)

July 18, 2010 2 comments

– When most people think of the future, they either see a nightmarish hell-on-earth or a hollow utopia. For those firmly ensconced in the “Mad Max” camp, this quiz should help you decide whether you want to stock up on gas and oil, or start boning up on your Ayn Rand.

– When you’re living on the streets, with no real prospects, and you’re not sure when and where your next meal is coming from, you know what you do? You start sharking bitches. Godspeed, you crazy hobo. (P.S. – I’m fully aware that this has the scent of a set-up scene. I don’t care.)

– This is so ridiculously on-point that it’s almost not even funny…almost.

– Damnit, I’m in the wrong business.

– Sometimes, when a guy’s having a bad day and nothing seems to go right, he just says, “Fuck it – I wanna see some sweet tits bouncing around.” For days like that, there’s the fantastically named Tits That Jiggle A Bit.

– Man, Snoop Dogg had to have been high when he came up with this idea. Renting an entire country for a music video? You really couldn’t come up with a better way to spend that money? Also, my favorite part of the article: “Local property lease agent Karl Schwaerzler admitted:” ‘It would have been possible.’ But the deal fell through because Snoop’s management ‘did not give us enough time’.” Unbelievable.

– Fuck you, Ryanair; fuck you in your cheap, dirty asses. Odds are I was never going to use your airline anyway, seeing as how you operate out of Australia, and I’m glad for that because I hope this new slush pile of watery shit you have the gall to call an “idea” sends your company into a tailspin. Vertical seating? Seriously? How about you do everyone a favor and call it what it is – standing-room only ticketing on your planes. Fuck you, Ryanair, and fuck any US airlines that are stupid enough to think this could actually work.

– Hey, if you’re gonna be famous, there’s worse things to be known for…

– Charts: making things more easily understandable for nerds (and less understandable for everyone else) since who-the-fuck knows when?

– You know what says classy? A 10-inch fine art statue of everyone’s favorite Merc With a Mouth, Deadpool!

– Giving new meaning to “Space Jam“.

– Pushing your boundaries = good. Doing it in the laziest way possible = not so good, aka “as stereotypically American as possible.”

– “Yeah, so, um…I don’t really feel like smoking anymore…”

– You know who’s still really, REALLY hot? Jennifer Love Hewitt.

– Yeah, it looks delicious, but it’s made in Japan so I’ll bet you $20 it ends up in a really freaky AV scene by year’s end. AV is a Japanese term for porno, in case you haven’t guessed that yet.

– Just imagine this is Gargamel’s girlfriend, and suddenly the entire Smurfs universe makes a lot more sense. Not a lot of sense overall, obviously. But a lot more sense.

– Because God loves Englishmen, obviously. Not enough to let them get even close to winning the World Cup, but still, I’m sure the love’s there.

– It’s never a good thing when your reach exceeds your grasp.

WARNING: Contained on this web-page is nearly every horrific meme that’s scarred the consciousness of the unwary interwebs traveler for the last few years. Enter, and be warned – what is seen, cannot be unseen…

– The only way, the ONLY WAY this picture could be anymore awesome is if it was taken during the filming of Broken Lizard’s needs-to-get-made, sure-to-be-cult-classic “Potfest”.

– I live in Orlando, better known across the world as “that shitty tourist trap next to where Mickey Mouse lives.” As such, I have been to WDW so many times that I literally cannot the stand the site of the place. However, if the many women who walk around the park pretending to be various animated princess were to dress similarly to these J. Scott Campbell drawings, I might be inclined to stop by. Oh, and if there’s anyone interested, someone did something similar with the Disney dudes, but…yeah.

– Hey, check it out – 4Chan was actually good for something besides horribleness, for all of…less than five minutes. Good work, 4Chan!

This comic needs to be framed and hung in the working area of anyone who claims to be an “artist”.

– Good Lord; Jessica Lucas, Evangeline Lilly, Kristin Kreuk, Grace Park…who knew the Great White North was throwing heat like that? That’s a murderer’s row even without Emmanuelle Chriqui! (Yes, I know it’s a slideshow; you’ll survive.)

VENOM NOM NOM NOM

– No lie: while it wasn’t totally surprising, this was the most depressing shit I heard all week.

– I’d never heard of this Zackary Canepari guy before, but these pictures from a Realdoll manufacturing plant are amazing, and damn provoking to boot.

– There’s no way I can sum up the mind-blowing nature of the Federation of Damanhur, so do yourself a favor and just check it out.

– OK, this…this one cut a little deep.

– OK, someone really needs to explain what the fuck is going on at Denver International Airport. Like, now.

– Brilliant; absolutely brilliant:

– Thank you, Classy Hands, for revealing the hidden truth behind an 80’s teen classic:

– How’s about one more! Maybe, say…Dania Ramirez frolicking on a beach and looking all sexyfied? Could that be something you’d be interested in?

– OK, this is the last one. Hat tip to the good folks at FADER; here’s “Curls” by Girls. Perfect summer music: