– OK, so working in an ultra-modern version of Robin Hood’s hideout might seem cool, but nothing beats a sweltering steakhouse in Orlando in terms of job awesomeness, right? Right, people?
– Well, this should keep all those damn Freemason conspiracists busy…until 2012, that is. Unless our shrinking moon somehow fucks us over, of course.
– The secret history of Hanna-Barbera. Oh, and Power Puff Girls and Samurai Jack take place in the same universe. Mind=blown.
– Someone up there must like Daniel Tosh, because already-legendary gross-out flick The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is getting a sequel, entitled The Human Centipede II (The Final Sequence), the highlight of which will be a 12-person centipede. These cosplayers must be shitting themselves (and by definition, each other) which excitement.
– Seriously, fuck Ken Keeler. Writer for one of the funniest shows on television, and a Ph.D. in Math (Note – I feel like if you have a Ph.D, that field is capitalized when referenced in terms of said Ph.D)? Great; meanwhile, I’m struggling – and failing – to come up with pithy one-liners.
– See, instead of a pithy one-liner (see above), I just have a question: Did he go out and buy a 30-inch dildo, or did he already have it? Or did his mom have it? Bet that was a fun conversation. “Hey mom, can I borrow your 7-pound latex nightmare? I’m dressing up like a gay version of the Karate Kid from a dystopian future so I can have the world’s most sexually confused slapfight against a Spanish Inquisition LARP-er.”
– I really, really miss Firefly.
– Triceratops aren’t real? MotherFUCKER! First the Brontosaurus, now good old Trikertop (what I called it as a kid)…what’s next, T-Rex?
– I get the mentality of “Any publicity is good publicity,” but something tells me that using ad’s specifically designed to mimic Hieronymus Bosch is probably not too good when you sell condoms.
– Sure, there’s been a ton of Inception-styled mashups lately, but did you know that Christoper Nolan stole the entire idea from an old Scrooge McDuck comic? It has to be true – it came to me in a dream.
– You know who Pete Rose is, right? Cincinnati Reds, all-time hits leader, banned from Cooperstown for betting on games; yeah, you know. But did you know that he is currently dating Kiana Kim, described by some as “the Pamela Anderson of Korea“? If you would just allow me a moment to pick my jaw up off the floor…WTF?
– Oldie but a goodie: old-school Kodachrome pics of pre-WWII America in beautiful color.
– Looks like Christoper Columbus was right after all; he was just off by about 400 years or so.
– With the current economic hardships enveloping the country, some of you out there might be looking for a sugar mama to take care of you. Might I suggest this list of the 16 hottest billionaire daughters? I’m waiting by the phone, Tamara Ecclestone.
– Oh, look: apparently Wall Street “elites” are moving away from cocaine, and getting into marijuana in droves. Well, at least this means weed will probably be legal in a year’s time or so – can’t have rich people getting in trouble for doing something, right? Fuckers.
– Thank you, io9, for this list of ridiculous gender-swapped heroes/heroines. Pretty crazy, although I’d be willing to bet Lady Lobo would be insane in the sack.
– It’s not too often that you see an inspirational poster start out with the words, “The world is meaningless,” but somehow this one pulls it off.
– Yes, it’s Google Chrome-ready only, but this joint venture between the online giant and The Arcade Fire is…I don’t even know what too call it. A movie? A game? A music video? Whatever it is, it’s absolutely epic.
– Look people, it would be great if Neil Gaiman’s literary classic Sandman actually made it to TV, but I’ve heard this before, so call me when Warner Bros. is filming a pilot, OK?
– As a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan (I’ll give you a minute or two to finish laughing), before I read this article I never would’ve guessed there were 13 owners in the NFL worse than the Glazers. Thank you for educating me, Mike Silver, and let me offer my condolences to Bengals fans because Silver absolutely annihilates Cincinnati owner Mike Brown here.
– Looks like Dennis Rodman really took Dr. Drew’s words to heart on VH1’s “Sober House” last season.
– Darren Arronofsky’s new film Black Swan is getting some press because of the whole Natalie Portman-Mila Kunis maybe-lesbianism/definitely-kissing goodness(flashes at 1:20), but initial reviews are less along the lines of “Oooh – looks like it’s sexytime,” and more “What the fuck was that?”:
Seriously…what the fuck is going on there?
– Time for a blast from the past! You know, Sega must’ve made 10 crappy Sonic games, and all they really had to do was remake the original two games in 3D and they would’ve been golden:
– I keep telling you people, vampires are on their way out – it’s all about zombies in 2011. Check out this trailer for AMC’s “The Walking Dead” if you don’t believe me:
– In honor of the upcoming NFL season, who doesn’t love a good cheerleader face-off? In the red corner, we have the newest Lady Pirates:
and in the green corner, the sweeter side of the Miami Dolphins:
In case you were wondering, yes those are the only football teams in Florida.
– Get ready to run through a fucking brick wall: