The Undead Revolution
Everyone’s got their something, you know? Me – I’m pretty much your run-of-the-mill nerd (I don’t like using the word geek, even though it’s probably just as accurate, because of it’s etymological history) – I’m into technology, books, comics, science, etc. But my “something”? Theoretical physics. Tell me that Michio Kaku has a new paper out, or that Spain’s MAGIC telescope might’ve just proven the existence of quantum foam, and you’ve got me hooked tighter than a Republican congressman who just found out there’s a new Boy Scout chapter opening up down the street.
Some people are complete sports freaks, and others are totally into fashion. People can even extend their idiosyncrasies into sex – I once had a roommate who was totally into eyeball licking. True story. My point is, everyone has something that…well, it’s not exactly a passion per se, but they like it more than everyone else they know, and it’s an interest that’s slightly off the beaten path. It’s their thing.
My friend Josh? His thing is zombies.
Let me give you an example – the other day, we were wasted at a friend’s house at one in the morning, when her dog decided that it needed to take a piss immediately. So we’re outside, waiting for the pug to do its business, when out of nowhere he says, “This would be a really good place to defend against a zombie attack.”
“Oh yeah – two bodies of water nearby, clear sightlines…I’d make a last stand here.”
“Uh, OK.” But that wasn’t the end of it – he asked me what type of guns I’d use, how I’d fight them off, that sort of thing. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, mind you – it’s just that I never thought about it before, and I told him so.
He just laughed. “Man, I’ve thought about that shit in depth.”
Because that’s his thing.
Why do I bring this up? Because I’m officially declaring the vampire fad to be in its last throes. Mark my words, the zombies are rising once again.
Now, I know some of you are thinking, “What about Twilight? That shit’s everywhere, and when that New Moon drops, forget it.” Well let me tell you something – the world is not made up of teenage girls with shitty taste, OK? For every tweener girl I know (and before you start thinking I’m a pedo, I’ve got a 13-year-old sister who has friends over quite a bit) who actively lusts over pale, wan non-threatening “monsters” in Oregon, or wherever the hell they are, I know two grown-ass people who wouldn’t piss down Robert Pattinson’s throat if his lungs were on fire. Not to mention everyone’s trying to capitalize on the current bloodsucker fad. “True Blood”, “The Vampire Diaries”, “Blood: The Last Vampire”, the Anita Blake book series and upcoming TV movie…vampires are everywhere, and thus, about to pass the “I really don’t give a fuck” event horizon.
Then you have zombies.
First, there’s “The Walking Dead”, one of the best comic books out there right now (written by the brilliant Robert Kirkman, I might add), coming to AMC as a series. But that’s not all – this year alone, there’s a ton of zombie flicks coming out. You’ve got the Wesley Snipes zombie western “Gallowwalker“, a movie called “Samurai Zombie” that sounds unbelievably epic, the zombie Nazi movie “Dead Snow“…hell, there’s even a documentary out called “Zombie Girl: The Movie“, about the coolest fucking kid I’ve ever heard of: a twelve-year-old girl making a self-written/directed zombie flick called “Pathogen”. When’s the last time you heard of anyone making their own vampire flick? Never, that’s when, because vampire fans prefer to spend their time talking about how “dark” and “mysterious” they are while they drink tomato juice that they pretend is blood.
But the biggest news of all? “Diamond Dead“, directed by the big man himself, George A. motherfucking Romero. Starring Johnny Depp, Marilyn Manson, Ozzy Osbourne, Gwen Stefani and DAVID BOWIE (ground control to Major Tom!), it’s about…well, I’ll let this quote from Romero explain:
The film is about an 80’s-style rock band that are killed in a freak accident, all but the singer who makes a deal with death to bring them back…so they all come back as zombies and become the biggest band in the world.
Depp, Bowie, Manson, Ozzy and Stefani decked out as zombies rocking onstage? Sold, sold, a million times sold! And this is all just off the top of my head; trust me, there’s a ton more zombie stuff out there waiting to chew on Edward and Bella’s brains. Trust me; it may seem all sparkly skin and high cheekbones now, but there’s shuffling, mumbling horror coming our way, and oh is it awesome.
P.S. – This is fucking hilarious:
P.P.S. – One of my all-time favorite zombie pictures